Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize