yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize