I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
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