I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think my moral compass just broke
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
