I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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