K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish my penis had an off switch
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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