I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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