hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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