i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
