I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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