He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
