jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
