I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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