Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
