Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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