Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
