just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
