Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
