Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This is my gift to your gina
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
