Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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