I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
