"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize