I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
