Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I deserve this hangover.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
