You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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