Swine flu. Run for my life!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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