u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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