I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
