I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize