??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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