come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
