seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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