Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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