Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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