So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
smell my finger.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
