and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
