i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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