you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I could fuck to npr.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
