I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
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