Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize