I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
