i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
