im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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