pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize