My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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