Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
