Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
