we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
