I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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