YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
