Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
we're so committed to being not committed
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
