Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
