So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
