Do you still have your period?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
