Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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