Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
