Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
