my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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