they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
