worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
