Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
