ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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