and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
