Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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