Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
