What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
