I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
