I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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