Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
