Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
