so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
