Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
