DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
